So I have been meaning to write one of these blog post for a while now. I always have great reasons to put it off until the fabled "better time", that never actually shows up. So what better time to just do it than right now at 12 am. So considering that I am an artist I think the best thing to write about is art naturally.
I want to actually talk about my art, or at least on piece in particular. It's not something I get to do often these days. So for this first popping of the blogging cherry I will talk a little bit about a very special illustration for me. Lamentation.
I finished this illustration more than a year ago as a sort of final effort at art in general. At the time I was working two very shitty dead end jobs that I hated with a deep passion. I had been out of art school for almost 2 years and had no prospects of my life improving in any way, and the idea of doing art for money was a big pipe dream. But I had one illustration left in me.
Typically until this piece I would just draw something that looked cool to me. Disney fan art, or some cool swordsman type character. But for this one I wanted to do something that had some emotional resonance for me personally. I was in a really dark place and felt very alone and isolated. I could see my life descending into a void as I watched unable to do anything about it and I really wanted that to come through in this piece.
The main figure is alone, nude and vulnerable as a cataclysmic event happens in the background almost mourning the calamity but helpless to do anything about it and resigned to that fact. It was a very honest and open moment for me as an artist and evoked feelings I had never explored artistically and that felt good.
looking at this a year later I see plenty of technical things I would change or tweak but conceptually I think for me, this is as spot on as it gets. It can be difficult to want to express something artistically and actually be able to pull it off. Surprisingly enough this illustration opened a lot of doors for me and truly reminded me of why I call myself an artist in the first place. I'm still just a hungry hustler in this art business but thanks to this one illustration I can actually see a path forward and have the fire to go for what I want and that's much more than I cold have asked for.